Get Out of Your Way

Fear, Moving Forward, and the Obstacles that Get in Your Way

So, I sat down to write a blog. And here I sit, computer looking at a blinking cursor with absolutely nothing to say.

Only that's not entirely truthful. I have a lot to say, but sometimes I censor myself.

That's when my active mind produces all of these unhelpful thoughts. They go something like, "People have heard this all before" or "Who am I to think I can write? "or my favorite, "his is going to be really bad." Pretty much the opposite of a pep talk. And dare I say, not very useful in the motivation department. Yet, this is an unfortunate game I play with myself quite often.

I can usually see it coming. It's the train of self-doubt, concern about judgment, and critical inner voice that consumes my thought space. Oh, and they bring other friends along, too. Procrastination, fatigue, and perfectionism are usually not far behind. Because, apparently, these parts of me are extroverts who love a good party. While there, they come up with new and amazingly creative ways to produce stagnation in my life (AKA keep me safe from myself).

I'll go from having excellent intentions, a well-laid-out plan of action, and feeling somewhat confident about what I'm about to do to then feeling stuck, unmotivated, and like taking a nap. At this point, it's easy to invite shame, guilt, comparison, and frustration to the party as well. I mean, I should be writing the blog post. Other people write blog posts with ease. Why am I having such a hard time with this?

Sound familiar?

Here's the unfortunate truth. It's me. I'm the one getting in my own way. And, I can also move my speed bump of a body out of the way.

These feelings and thoughts that arise, the ones that keep us stuck, are serving a purpose. No, it's not to drive us mad, although it definitely feels like it. Trust me. In my head, that blinking cursor is totally mocking me. Instead, their purpose is to keep us safe.

Writing a blog, speaking our minds, or doing anything we're not used to doing creates a sense of the unknown. A little side note about minds: they like to be in the know. Otherwise, it can feel a little out of control, which initiates the stress response so that we're able to remain safe. But I digress.

Our thoughts will lead to our feelings, which will lead to reactions, and so the cycle continues. In my case, the cycle might look something like, "This is going to be really bad," to fear of being negatively judged, to procrastination. One more time around: the procrastination leads to thoughts of why am I so unmotivated, which leads to feelings of shame and then fatigue. You see how this can keep going into a never-ending spiral of unhelpfulness.

Every single one of us has these parts that work overtime to keep us safe from ourselves. Usually, it's a greatest hits album with similar thoughts, feelings, and actions that play on repeat. It's in the understanding of these parts that brings relief and allows us to listen to a different tune.

So, where do these thoughts come from?

For most of us, these thoughts are born in childhood as a way of coping with, fitting in, or remaining mentally, physically, or emotionally safe within our environments. As children, we jumped to conclusions and made inferences that a child would make.

For example, let's take doing well in school as an expectation. Instead of receiving praise for doing well, you would get in trouble when you didn't. There's the possibility you may receive the message that you must be good to be loved. This could further morph into the need to be perfect or a feeling that you're just not good enough, no matter what you do.

Not everyone receives messages and internalizes beliefs in the same way. However, these beliefs are the driving forces behind the parts keeping us safe. In my next blog post, I'll discuss getting to know these pieces and parts so there's a better understanding of how we end up getting in our own way (AKA keeping ourselves safe). Stay tuned.