Engine Lights & Self-Care
Actual photo of my Check Engine light glowing. Photo Credit: Me/Sheila Tucker, LMFT
I’m not sure what it is. I’m typically not a listener of country music. However, Beyonce’s new album, Cowboy Carter, has this no-so country girl singing along at full volume. Go ahead and say what you like about whether her music entirely fits into the genre. I’m just saying this is the closest I’ve been since Garth Brooks first came on stage to listening to something remotely considered country. But I digress.
There’s nothing like it: a sunny, almost cloudless sky, nearly zero humidity, the wind gently blowing through my hair, and me putting on a sold-out concert in my car.
Until…
It shown brightly on an otherwise dark dashboard. My check engine light was on…again—the second time in a week. The bright orange engine indicator was all a glow. It’s interesting orange was the chosen color.
It reminds me of Halloween, only actually scary.
Like a newbie learning to drive a stickshift, my mind lurched from enjoyment to oh, f%^&k.
This time, the orange one taunted me, secretly holding the inner workings of my engine hostage. All of the codes pointed to ambiguous problems. If the code check could shrug its shoulders, that would’ve been its response. And yet, something was clearly amiss.
Since that fateful day, every day is filled with the anticipation of my glowing dash ornament moving into the blinking icon of oh crap. The shutter of the engine’s demise, finally ceasing to move another inch forward. Leaving me stranded at the most inopportune time.
Sure. I could rush to the mechanic and have it looked at. Even possibly repaired. But even they suggested I wait. Not concerned, my check engine light politely tapped me on the shoulder, saying, “Hey, there’s a problem.” But rather waiting for it to stomp its feet, yell, and demand to be repaired - NOW.
The fascinating thing about all of this is that I can relate to my car’s engine light. Thankfully, I’m not glowing bright orange. My indicator light is more subdued. It comes out in being easily frustrated, exhausted, and having brain fog that prevents me from completing a coherent sentence and leads to rather impressive creativity blocks—or, as some may say, a feeling of being stuck.
In general, there’s something slightly amiss that I can’t quite put my finger on. I feel sluggish. In need of a tune-up. And, like my check engine light, I will typically ignore it. Pretend it doesn’t exist. Hand over eyes…la la la.
Only it doesn’t just autocorrect to being okay. Other systems start to break down. Increase in anxiety, migraines, and insomnia. Then, ultimately, the blinking light of sickness that will take me down involuntarily.
I only think it will go away if I put my blinders on and ignore it. You know, like your parents told you about your younger sibling. It wasn’t true then, and it’s not true now.
So, what do you do when your internal engine light comes on?
Acknowledge something’s not quite right.
Diagnose: Run an all-systems check to determine what’s going on. Have you been pushing yourself too hard and need a break?
Create a plan of Action: What do you need to feel optimal? Sure, a weeklong trip to a cabana over the water in Bali with VIP concierge services sounds like a dream. And that may not be feasible at the moment. Would this trip leave you feeling rested? Maybe it resets your nervous system so that you feel rooted. Or perhaps it leaves you feeling restored? How can you recreate these feelings at home?
Here are a few ideas I use in my own life.
Outsourcing tasks: Instacart for the win, ask your spouse/partner/intimate other to do something you typically do, or ask a friend for help
Rest: Go ahead and lean into rest mode. For clarity, this doesn’t have to mean sleep. For example, my idea of rest is reading or walking.
Don’t try to do everything at the same time: You have a lot to do. You can undoubtedly do it all—just not at the same time. Instead, be intentional. Pick two or three tasks to complete in a day and give yourself a time limit. For example, today, I took an hour to write a blog post, an hour to edit an article, and an hour to work on retreat-related tasks.
Slow down your transitions: Instead of going from one task to the next, slow it down. Take a moment to get up and stretch. Engage in a mindful moment by noticing what’s around you using all of your senses. Breathe.
Reach out to a therapist or coach for help.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore your internal check engine light. At least not for too long. Eventually, your body will stop speaking in a whisper and begin to yell, just like that freaking blinking engine light on your dashboard.
Let’s face it: It’s easier and less costly to address problems at the first signs of trouble. Meanwhile, I’m headed to the mechanic anyway. Beyonce is playing on my radio, the wind is blowing through my hair, and I’m hoping my engine light doesn’t begin to blink in time with the beat.
What do you do when your internal check engine light comes on? How do you know when something’s amiss?
Mindfully Yours,
Sheila
Sheila Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling. She empowers clients who overthink, worry, and experience their fair share of anxiety to become more rooted in peace, ease, and confidence. When not in the office, you'll find her walking her pups or planning her next mountain getaway with her husband.
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