If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Photo Credit 📷: @reganography
I heard this a lot growing up, and I’m not even sure of the context.
Part of me wants to think it was one of the grown-ups in my life just trying to get out of doing something new and different.
However, there is a lot of validity to this statement. Sure, you and I can tweak and modify what’s working in our lives. But there’s no need to “reinvent the wheel.” All that heavier lifting can be saved for those ways of moving through life that don’t seem as helpful.
The interesting thing here is that only you know what’s helpful for you. And what’s helpful for you may not be helpful for me. This tends to throw many people for a loop.
You see, most of us are constantly seeking outside validation. “If they’re doing it this way and it works for them, then I need to do it too. And if I don’t? Well, then clearly, I’m not doing it the right way.”
You’re not alone. I do it, too. It, uh, takes one to know one.
Countless times, I’ve watched others and attempted to emulate their productivity or how they handled certain situations. Countless times, I’ve been disappointed and hard on myself that my situation didn’t turn out like theirs had.
The difference? They were doing what worked for them…and oddly, so was I.
I needed to do what worked for me.
There’s a message that some of us have received that says if it’s easy, then we’re not doing it the right way. There’s also an evolutionary process of holding onto all of the not-so-helpful or negative ways we’ve coped - those things we’ve done that didn’t work out so well as a way of keeping ourselves safe.
Yes, it’s a bit backward. However, remembering how it didn’t work out so well could prevent you from repeating the same mistakes and free you from harm (emotional, mental, or physical). The key here is to tweak what you’re doing so it’s more helpful and effective. More on that another time.
You probably have a lot of questions.
How do you know what works for you?
But my neighbor, friend, social media influencer, and co-worker have it all together, and I want to be more like them. Shouldn’t I follow what they do?
To answer the first question, you’ll need to ponder a few questions and know this one thing.
Right now, in this very moment in your life, you have skills or ways of being that are both practical and helpful in the long term in offsetting your stress levels, overwhelm, overthinking, and worries or anxiety.
You do. Really.
What did you do in those stressful or overwhelming times when you’ve felt you’ve handled the situation well? Was it helpful long-term or short-term? Did you feel good about yourself after you did the thing?
If the response was helpful and you felt good about it, then it works. There may be a few ways to tweak them to make them slightly better, but for now, it’s not broken, so let’s leave it alone.
The next question is about that one person or many that look like they have it all together. I get it. I also know some of those people. Again, I have more questions and a statement.
Try it. That’s right. Go for it. Do whatever it is that they do. Use it as a framework, a starting point, or inspiration.
Then ask yourself:
Did this lead me to my desired result? If so, keep doing it.
If not? Ponder: What can I do differently next time to get there or slightly closer?
Again, keep in mind that what works for someone else may not work for you. And what works for you may not work for someone else.
Try it out. Ask the questions. I’d love to hear what you’ve learned about yourself.
Stay Curious,
Sheila
Sheila Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling. She empowers clients who overthink, worry, and experience their fair share of anxiety to become more rooted in peace, ease, and confidence. When not in the office, you'll find her walking her pups or planning her next mountain getaway with her husband.
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