Wanting Closeness When You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner
You want to make changes. You want to relate to your partner differently- in a way that’s helpful, fosters connection, and yet is suitable for the moment. But when you go to reach toward them, you feel a tightening, and then you recoil. It’s risky to change our patterns and reach out, mainly when we’ve already predetermined the outcome. Or when we’ve historically been met with our partner’s coolness. Being vulnerable can seem like a risk too huge to take.
What not to say to someone with an anxiety disorder
While most people experience times of worry and anxiety, there's absolutely no comparison to what people with anxiety disorder experience. Sure, it was most likely uncomfortable. Yet, given enough time, the anxiety subsided, and you were on your way. Anxiety disorder is a different beast. Most of the day, every single day, they are entangled in intense feelings of worry, guilt, and shame. Many will experience panic attacks. And there's an underlying fear something dire will happen. Not to mention the swirling storm of competing thoughts, usually of the "what if" variation. There's an overwhelming sense of being out of control. Thereby pulling you to try to control anything and everything in your path. There are rarely any exceptions. To say that anxiety is challenging is an understatement. While the person with anxiety is experiencing an internal battle for control, the person watching feels helpless and confused. It's mentally and emotionally taxing for everyone involved.
Managing Your Mental Health During COVID-19
Because I'm a therapist and a curious person, I'm continually asking the people I speak with how they're feeling during this time. Resentment, loneliness, anxiety, depression, fear, and overwhelm are just a few of the feelings that I've come across in my conversations with others. I've also realized, albeit necessary, that there’s a lot of talk about physical health, like washing hands and wearing a mask. At the same time, there's hardly any information about mental health. To support you and your mental health, I've compiled a list of ways to assist you in remaining active and responding to your mental health needs.
For the love of humanity
I’ve been taking A LOT of time to self-reflect on what I can do to be a better human and white woman. This includes taking a look at the parts of me I’d rather not confront: where I’ve been complicit, microaggressions, and who I surround myself with and why. It’s not enough for me to say I stand with you if I’m not actively working on myself and what I’m standing for. I get it. White privilege is hard for some people to wrap their heads around. The first place most people go when they deny it is to list all of the ways they were not privileged in life. It typically sounds like, “But wait, I grew up poor, or I experienced childhood trauma.”
Online Therapy: Discussing Hesitancy
The coronavirus has caught many people off guard - therapists and clients alike. I’ll be the first to admit that I LOVE connecting with clients face-to-face. I’ve also had excellent experiences with strictly online clients. Nonetheless, the sudden shift from the known to the unknown can be unsettling. The thought of learning something new while juggling working from home, being out of work, homeschooling kids, or all of the above might seem overwhelming.
Creating Stability During COVID-19
These are uncertain and surreal times. And now, more than ever, we need each other. This is our time to step up and practice compassion for ourselves and others. It’s also important to point out that uncertainty usually brings up a lot of feelings. It’s ok to feel them all. You have permission to feel shitty, relieved, anxious, resentful, angry, joyful, confused...whatever you’re feeling.
Get Out of Your Way
The unfortunate truth is that it's me getting in my own way. And I can also move my speed bump of a body out of the way.
3 Ways to Calm Your Anxious Mind
So here it is. Your mind will always think. Constantly. All. Of. The. Time. You can’t stop your mind from thinking. That’s what minds do. It means you’re alive. Oh, and those thoughts you’ve labeled as negative…you can’t stop those either.
Anxiety Sucks
Amid high anxiety, it’s hard to hear that “you hold all the answers” and other flowery BS. Intellectually, we get that. But right now, when our mind is jumbled, and we’re unable to make sense of life in general…we need help. We don’t know what we need and, therefore, don’t know how to ask.
Self-care spikes my anxiety (sometimes)
Somewhere, I learned the message that I don’t deserve to have this time for myself. And I know all of the benefits of practicing self-care! My time is to be spent making sure the needs of others are met and fulfilling unrealistic expectations I have for myself.
3 reasons therapy might not be a good fit for you (right now)
Therapy can be an incredible experience of growth and personal insight. It can help you to learn new skills, a new way of looking at what's going on in your life, and how to form a better relationship with yourself and others. I can literally go on for hours talking about the benefits of therapy; however, I will not. Instead, let's talk about why therapy may not be a good fit for you…at least not right now. Let me start with a caveat.
Uncovering Anxiety's Inherent Strengths
I think we can all agree on that statement. Anxiety's unhelpful symptoms are present, relentless, and in our faces. It can feel all-encompassing. The strengths that anxiety lends itself to are often overlooked because we're so focused on moving away from what feels uncomfortable.
Simple Mindfulness Exercises To Ease Overwhelm
Overwhelm, it happens. Let’s face it: as the holidays approach, schedules will become more packed, and the chances of being overwhelmed will increase. But how can we move through life with more peace even while there’s chaos in the background? Below are a few simple mindfulness exercises to help ease overwhelm.
Perfecting the Holidays
It gets easier to give up because why even try if you don't think you can measure up? There's some fantasy we all have that our families will somehow morph into a Hallmark movie, where there's a kumbaya moment that forever changes our interactions.
3 Ways to Navigate the Holidays if You’re an Introvert
Being an introvert at this time of year can be tricky, especially with the expectations, events, shopping, and family gatherings. First, let me dispel some myths about introversion—many introverts like people and socializing. Really...we do. The difference is that we get overwhelmed or exhausted if we have to be “on” for a long time. If you’re also a compassionate person, go ahead and multiply that by at least two.
Using SMART Goals to Usher in the New Year!
How about we change it up this year? Instead of making some well-intentioned resolutions that you'll likely stop doing by, say, January 5th, how about you set an actual attainable goal and create a real plan? I'm talking about accountability. My favorite way to do this is by setting SMART goals.
Creative Ways to Increase Self-confidence
There are inherent dangers once we tread outside the norm. We could embarrass ourselves, we could fall flat on our faces, or we could do amazing things and, at the same time, experience the feeling we’re a fraud. The longer we pay attention to these unhelpful thoughts, the more likely they are to become our beliefs. Eventually, it’ll become our truth, and we won’t even question their existence. These unhelpful beliefs will become the distorted lens through which we view life. And they’re far from rose-colored.
Diving Off The High Dive
You don't realize how high up you really are until your toes are gripping the edge of the board. As you're staring at the tops of the trees, the pool seems so far away. This seemingly simple measure of fun and excitement now takes on a feeling of fear with your heart in your throat. The reality, it only takes one small step to hurl yourself into the deep end. And yet, you're frozen. Too frightened to move forward and equally afraid to admit defeat. What do you do?
5 Ways To Make The Most Out Of Your Therapy Sessions
You’ve been thinking about starting therapy for a while. You finally decided on a therapist. Now, you may be wondering: what are some really effective ways to make the most out of your 50-minute therapy session?
Finding the silver lining in an otherwise shitty situation
Let’s face it: it’s easy to get caught up in and stew over all the things that have gone wrong in a day.